I started therapy at 7 years old after my parents got divorced. I remember colouring in a room without a window. I can’t picture the therapists face and I don’t remember experiencing any relief. I was sad for a long time.

I resumed therapy at 14, overwhelmed with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. High school triggered deep insecurities of not-enoughness which manifested in a crippling panic disorder and an eating disorder that lasted until I graduated. I remember the small man asking me lots of questions and prescribing me medication. I saw him weekly for a long time and for the life of me I can’t remember what we talked about or receiving any great benefit from it, other than every session ending with a check in on how my meds were going. Thus began a 10 year phase in my life of being medicated. Interestingly, for anyone who has been hearing or learning about the potential impacts of the birth control pill on mood, this also coincided with when I was put on the pill at 13 for my narly periods that knocked me out for days.

Over the years, I had gone to a variety of therapists and was always left feeling hopeless, wondering when I would be able to make any headway in actually feeling better. I was tired of talking about my story, noticing my thoughts and picking new ones. I could never do that because the way my body responded to life, like it was on fire and needed to constantly escape, trumped any attempt to think new thoughts. I turned to recreational drugs to help me cope.

After the sudden death of my boyfriend Andrew at 21 years old, I spiralled. 2.5 years into the spiral I was heavily medicated and I was addicted to smoking pot daily. My body was in chronic fight/flight, I popped clonazepam like candy (my benzo of choice!), I broke out with terrible cystic acne for the first time in my life and I couldn’t go anywhere if I didn’t know where the nearest bathrooms were.

After years of trying to do it the “traditional” way, the way I was told by my family, my doctor, by society to do it, I was at a loss. I couldn’t see a life for myself in the future and that scared me.

Through a series of serendipitous events that were totally out of my control, I met a man named Yona.

Yona was short, had a round belly, super curly black hair and large dark brown eyes. He was Jewish, loved life and was probably in his late 40’s. He worked out of his apartment in Vancouver.

Yona called himself a “Life Growth Facilitator” and in order to work with him, he said that I needed to come off all of my antidepressants and anxiety meds (a bold move!) and stop smoking pot completely.

This was a TSN turning point in my life.

I couldn’t deny the synchronicity with how we met one sunny summer day at my friend's little vegetarian restaurant. She could tell I was struggling and she said, “You should meet, Yona, I think he can really help you.” We then heard the tinkle of the little bells ringing with the restaurant door opening, and in walked Yona, much to her surprise!

Here’s what we did.

The very first session I had with him, I arrived at his apartment, a near stranger to me, and he had me sit on his black leather couch, him at one end and me at the other. We were turned towards each other and we meditated by staring at each others faces in silence, for what felt like forever.

Dude.

I was 24 years old. I worked at a bead store in a hippy part of town, so I wasn’t blind to the spiritual world, but I had never done anything remotely like this in my life!

I remember starting many of our sessions this way.

Over time, I began seeing different faces in his face, his face would completely morph. I can see them in my mind's eye now, clear as day. An old woman’s face, a young boy. At the time, it felt crazy, undeniable and miraculous to me.

He taught me about spirituality, my chakra system and the power of letting healing in. He used movement and music to help move my trauma through and out of my body.

He guided me through visualizations of things that happened in my childhood when my parents divorced. I would punch pillows and cry and he would be right there with me in every tear-filled moment.

I have a vivid memory of watching Andrew standing on the deck of a massive old-timey ship, sailing in a cloud-filled sky. I was holding a long rope that was keeping it swaying in the wind like a kite, holding it back from going on its voyage. Yona was so patient as I refused to let it go. Until, at long last, I did. And that was the beginning of learning to love, and have gratitude for, the 2 years I had with Andrew instead of aching for the more that I could never have.

He would end most of our sessions by putting on music and I would dance around his living room while he wrote his notes in the office. I channeled my innerchild and flitted around that crystal-specked, carpeted old apartment, toes pointed, pirouettes and all. For those few minutes, it felt like I was actually free. 

I worked with Yona every week for a little over a year and it transformed my entire life.

I never took anti-depressants again. I never went back to the habit of smoking pot. And I discovered what it felt like to feel the whole spectrum of emotions again and love it.

Here is why my work with Yona worked:

Trauma diverts energy to the primal part of the brain, the part that developed first. Even for people who wouldn’t consider themselves as having a trauma history, if your body kicks into a fight/flight/freeze or fawn response in the face of stress, good luck overriding it. C’est impossible! Put in other words, I couldn’t out-think my brain’s main job: to keep me safe.

Yona’s somatic (in the body) approach to healing accepted that feelings and body sensations happen first, so that’s where we started. We created safety in my body, so that we could get to the core of my wounds. His approach addressed all parts of the brain and body, and of course, my spirit.

Unlike traditional therapy, Yona saw his clients as more than a body and a brain. He saw the whole quantum picture of who we are - mind, body and spirit. By creating a pathway by which I, too, could see myself as part of the whole - the Oneness - my deep emptiness and loneliness faded. 

While my practice might not exactly look like Yona's, I think about him often as I explore the modalities that inspire my practice now and feel immense gratitude. And considering my entire adult life has been heavily influenced by my time with him, not just the healing, but the spiritual awakening he sparked in me, there remains, undoubtedly, a whisper of Yona in everything I do.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And so it is.

Xo, Laura

If you are struggling, you do not need to go it alone. Reach out to me if you would like to connect for a complimentary call.

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