Are you a perfectionist? Do you strive for flawlessness in every aspect of your life, from work to relationships and beyond? A perfectionist has "excessively high personal standards and overly critcial self-evaluations." They insist on perfection and accept nothing shy of flawlessness. This can manifest as criticism of self and others and in attempts to control situations and people.

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. Some people even think of it as a good quality to have (this is shocking to me), but often the cost is greater than any benefit. In my own struggle with perfectionism, I know I am far from alone. The tendency starts young and it’s becoming more common. Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill’s recent meta-analysis of rates of perfectionism from 1989 to 2016, the first study to compare perfectionism across generations, found significant increases among more recent undergraduates in the US, UK and Canada. In other words, the average college student last year was much more likely to have perfectionistic tendencies than a student in the 1990s or early 2000s.

“As many as two in five kids and adolescents are perfectionists,” says Katie Rasmussen, who researches child development and perfectionism at West Virginia University. “We’re starting to talk about how it’s heading toward an epidemic and public health issue.”

The rise in perfectionism doesn’t mean each generation is becoming more accomplished. It means we’re getting sicker, sadder and even undermining our own potential.

Making, and admitting, mistakes is a necessary part of growing and learning and being human, which makes you better at your career, your relationships and life in general. By avoiding mistakes at any cost, we are actually making it harder to achieve our goals! #hello

But the drawback of perfectionism isn’t just that it holds you back from being your most successful, joyful self. Perfectionistic tendencies have been linked to a laundry list of clinical issues: depression and anxiety (even in children), self-harm, social anxiety disorder and agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, hoarding, dyspepsia, chronic headaches, and, most damning of all, even early mortality and suicide.

Perhaps you have never considered how your own perfectionist tendencies are taking a toll in all areas of your life, but rest assured, it is never too late to overcome perfectionism, free yourself from its tyranny and heal your body in the process.

CAUSES OF PERFECTIONISM

Perhaps you are wondering where your perfectionist tendencies began. Many factors can affect a person's chances of having a perfectionist personality. Some of the main causes of perfectionism include:

• A fear of judgment or disapproval from others
• Early childhood experiences, such as having parents with unrealistically high expectations
• Poor self-esteem
• Feelings of inadequacy
• A need for control
• Tying self-worth to achievements
• Societal and cultural expectations

WHAT BEING A PERFECTIONIST COULD BE DOING TO YOUR BODY 

Perfectionism really takes a toll on your body and mind. When you're always striving for impossible standards and putting constant pressure on yourself, it kicks your stress response into high gear. That means your body starts pumping out more stress hormones, and you end up feeling super anxious and restless all the time.

It doesn't stop there.

Perfectionism messes with your emotions and mental well-being. You're always doubting yourself, feeling like you're never good enough. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and all sorts of mental struggles.

The stress from perfectionism weakens your immune system, making you more prone to getting sick. When you constantly push yourself to be perfect, your body goes into a state of hyperarousal, activating your sympathetic nervous system, leading to physical symptoms like tension, headaches, and stomach problems. 

Over time, this chronic activation of the sympathetic nervous system can lead to burnout, fatigue, and even physical health problems like high blood pressure, chronic pain or heart disease. It can also make it difficult to relax and enjoy life, as your body and mind are always on high alert.

Perfectionism can even ruin your relationships. You become so scared of making mistakes and being judged that you try to control everything, which can push people away and leave you feeling isolated.

LIFE AS A PERFECTIONIST

Here are some ways that perfectionism may be impacting your life:

• Procrastinating to avoid failure.
• Trying to anticipate the needs of others over your own needs.
• Holding onto pent up anger or resentment.
• Having a hard time asking for help.
• Viewing achievement as the way to earn your worth.
• Loud internal self-criticism.
• Setting very high standards for yourself and then berating yourself for not being able to meet them.
• Denying your own humanity - what is "normal and acceptable" for everyone else (grace) is not for you.
• Allowing yourself to rest only during bouts of complete exhaustion, depression or burnout. 

AWARENESS IS KEY

No baby is born a perfectionist. If you're a perfectionist struggling with anxiety or other nervous system symptoms, it's important to recognize that it came from somewhere. It is NOT who you are, but something you learned to be over time. Perfectionists often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and worry that they will fail to live up to their own expectations. This constant worry can contribute to a whole host of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual symptoms. Becoming aware that you have this pattern is the first step in healing the beliefs and thoughts that are holding perfectionism in place and healing where it came from in the first place. 

HOW TO HEAL FROM A LIFETIME OF PERFECTIONISM

My go-to's for healing perfectionism are simple:

= Use EFT tapping to cultivate self-compassion, self-validation, and self-acceptance.

CULTIVATING SELF-COMPASSION

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in moments of perceived failure or imperfection. Rather than berating yourself for falling short, you can practice self-compassion by tapping through the points while offering yourself words of comfort and encouragement. By embracing your inherent worthiness and acknowledging that mistakes are an inevitable part of growth, it is possible to create a loving and nurturing environment within yourself.

PRACTICING SELF-VALIDATION

Perfectionism often seeks external validation as a measure of self-worth. However, true validation is an inside job. By learning to validate yourself, you break free from the cycle of seeking approval from others. Recognize your achievements, big or small, and acknowledge your efforts without diminishing their significance. By affirming your capacity and acknowledging your progress, you build a solid foundation of self-confidence.

EMBRACING SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Self-acceptance is the art of embracing your authentic self, including your flaws and imperfections. It involves letting go of the need to conform to an idealized version of yourself and accepting that you are a human being, not a human 'doing', which inherently comes with limitations. By shifting your focus from striving for perfection to celebrating progress and personal growth, you create space for self-acceptance and a more fulfilling life.

HEALING FROM PERFECTIONISM

Healing from perfectionism is a gradual and transformative process that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistent practice. Incorporating techniques like EFT tapping, journaling and working with a coach empowers us to break free from the chains of perfectionism. By embracing our beautifully imperfect selves, we can foster a sense of self-worth, joy, and inner peace that allows us to live authentically and embrace the wild and unpredictable journey of personal growth. 

Like Brene Brown says, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” 

Learn to embrace imperfections. Your body will thank you. 

If you are looking for a natural, safe, and effective way to improve your health and wellbeing, EFT Tapping may be just what you need. To learn more about EFT Tapping and how it can benefit you, download my EFT Tapping eBook, complete with a recorded tapping session on overcoming emotional overwhelm. Or, book a free 20-minute discovery call with me today!

Xo, Laura

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I'm Laura, a former Social Worker turned Highly-Advanced EFT/Tapping Practitioner, Trauma Recovery Specialist & Clarity Life Coach. Merging science and spirituality, let's holistically alleviate emotional exhaustion, anxiety & overwhelm, heal from trauma and gain crystal-clarity around our desires and worth. As deep-feeling women, the future is shaped by our persistence in the journey to freedom, peace and fulfillment. Let's go!