A friend once told me that she found me fascinating, and not in a “woah dude, you are one fascinating creature, good luck with that” type of way. She said it like she meant it, with starry eyes, like she adored this about me. And this astounded me. *jaw drop*

Why? Because while I longed to believe I was fascinating, I had spent, well, most of my life exerting a ton of energy to BE enough to even be considered worthy of other people's attention, time, energy and - oof - love.

We are all heavily influenced by our parents; this is an obvious understatement. As babies, we see the reflections of those raising us AS us. We don't know we are separate. Depending on the emotional states of those raising us, we begin to make meaning about who we are based on the sum of these interactions. And since most parents shoulder their own histories of trauma, possibly even abuse or neglect or more, it makes perfect sense that we live in a world where most people weren't loved as they needed as a child and therefore struggle to love themselves as adults. We are programmed from childhood to place our self-worth on the material world outside of us and the attention we receive from those around us, and, in this way, we never believe we measure up.  

My response to the things that were happening with the adults in my world was to become hyper-attuned to their energies and emotions in the hopes that I would do, say and be the "right" thing, in order to garner the love and attention I was after. Psychic empathy became my thing, only I didn't know it at the time (new to psychic empathy? Learn about it here and find out if you have this ability, too). Feeling their emotions and making it my mission to take it on as my own to try to emotionally get what I needed left me feeling deeply depressed, overflowing with anxiety and eventually led to a serious eating disorder.

This type of trauma is not often acknowledged as such, because everyone was doing the best they could with what they had and no one was getting physically hurt or overtly neglected. However, this is considered chronic trauma because we are talking about cumulative and repeated experiences of stressful events that have a significant impact on our psychological and emotional well-being. The stress of living with a parent who struggled with their own mental health issues, or who was absent, or who overly sexualized women, or who experienced severe trauma in their life and now displayed emotional detachment or hypervigilence, or chronic financial stress in the family.

While each individual event may not be significant on its own, the cumulative effect of these experiences can lead to a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and overwhelm. These all add up for a child, bringing these reflection into their self-concept and can lead to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can also impact physical health, including chronic pain, immune system dysfunction, and an increased risk of disease.

Adults who experienced chronic trauma like this tend to beat themselves up for their heavy and debilitating emotions, chastising themselves for being so bogged down by the weight of emotions, patterns of procrastination, perfectionism and self-sabotage,  because they don't see the impact of their childhood as being potentially traumatic, dysfunctional or something to even work through.

We look at the world around us and are hyper-aware of the suffering of others and when our wounds are subtle, we can fall into the trap of, "Who am I to complain/feel this way/struggle when I know how bad other people have it? I should just get over it." This, inevitably, creates more wounding.

The first step in healing from our trauma is acknowledging it even exists.

I poured myself into the struggle of the human experience by becoming a social worker. I thought that if I could "help" people, hear their stories and fight the systems of oppression that were keeping inequities in place, then finally, at long last, I would be worthy of some self-love... Of course, it did not work out that way.

I had oodles of evidence showing me that my career was hurting me. I didn't know how to see the brutality of what humans can do to each other and not let it break my spirit and eventually my nervous system and body. I committed to do no harm and yet often felt put between a rock and hard place where I had to follow protocol instead of what I knew would be in the best interests of the child. I began to believe that I was part of the problem, perpetuating harm through the broken system of child welfare where I did not feel able to truly vocalize all of my thoughts and ideas because I didn't want to become "that" person. When all along, the truth was, I knew that, while the field was chalk full of well-intentioned and deeply loving people, we could do better, and also that change would be a long time coming for this system, if it even came at all. I didn't want to retire burnt out, sick and full of regrets. I had to leave that career behind. Which is what I did.

I dove deep into the spiritual and somatic work that I was immersed in during my mid-20's when the sudden death of my longtime boyfriend thrust me into a dark spiral. I was reminded that I had been here before and that I had gotten so far away from the things that mattered most to me. The inner work was a homecoming.

I became honest about who I was, what I wanted and what mattered most to me. I committed to my healing journey. I was ready to embody my well-earned beliefs, become less afraid to own them and voice them, regardless of how unforgiving and brutal society can be when our beliefs challenge the status quo. I built the courage and self-belief to own these parts of me.

I now proudly embrace that I am an outspoken, rebellious, passionate, deeply-feeling trauma specialist and clarity life coach who believes in the unseen world, alternative medicine, aliens (yup, I said it), the power of the spirit to overcome and thrive. I am a person who rebels against big Pharma, the patriarchy, the capitalist agenda and traditional childhood education. I am a lover of 90's hip hop, Kundalini yoga, all things "out there"; a seer of spirits and feeler of energies, an easy person to be around, a sister, an auntie, a mother and, quite frankly, hilarious when the timing is right.

I have two determined and deep-feeling, curious young boys who exited the mainstream school system in 2022 and it was the best decision ever. We live surrounded by forest in beautiful North Vancouver, British Columbia with our earth-angel Shepherd mix (who was for suuuuure sent to me from another realm to remind me what unconditional love is truly all about) and my life-partner of 14 years who has been my friend since kindergarten by my side on this wild journey.

I have taken the best of my education and experience of nearly a decade in social work and merged these with my intuitive gifts and the somatic energy psychology approaches I have formally studied, experienced and practiced since 2004.

I am a heart-focused human who now relishes her sensitivity and life history and never undercuts the impact of cultivating self-love as a form of social activism.  

I have seen the evidence over and over that our ability to feel is a super power that is meant to be honoured and strengthened in order to live life FREE and full of self-love.

I have been healing, learning and mining for gold in my own traumas, from my pre-social work life and from the secondary-PTSD I incurred from my years in the field. I am now here, dedicated to holding space as a guide and support for you as you do the same.

With a deep sense of gratitude to be here, during these complex and ever-changing times, I am committed to helping you come to feel grateful for your life, write new stories that you choose and finally unconditionally love who you are on a level that creates miraculous, joyfilled, courageously fulfilled living.